Humor: Our Living Language

Our Living Language

 You may have heard the expression “get a wild hair up your butt.” In current usage, it usually refers to a person who is particularly exercised over some problem. Why on earth, you probably thought to yourself, would a hair up one’s rectum cause maniacal behavior? After all, how aggravating can one little hair be? And while we’re about it, how did it get there?

The illogic of this has caused some modern writers to write “get a wild hare up one’s butt”—presumably because having a wild rodent lodged in one’s anus would indeed cause rather animated behavior. But this, of course, is ridiculous. The largest rodent ever lodged in a human rectum is a small hamster, as reported in the August, 1997, issue of the New England Journal of Medicine by a physician at Cedars-Sinai Hospital.

Bugs BunnyThe reality is quite an interesting story, and illustrates how our language develops over time. The first thing that needs to be said is that “up your butt” is a typical crude accretion added for emphasis in recent times and has nothing to do with the origin of the phrase, which in no way involves a medical condition such as might be presented to a proctologist. Continue reading

The Mars Escort Service

The Mars Escort Service

It was inevitable. During the California Gold Rush, for example, cottage industries sprang up around the prospectors and speculators like dandelions: assayers, innkeepers, merchants, farriers…and whorehouses. Where the women came from and why, well, the answer to that is probably as old and mysterious as the profession itself. Whatever their motives, the lure of riches, the dream of meeting Prince Charming, the pioneering spirit, the ladies of the evening are there. No matter how remote or adventurous the enterprise, be it the California Gold Rush, the Alaska Oil Boom, Los Alamos or North Hollywood, the women always seem to come from somewhere.

The year was 2112. I’d been on Mars for 10 years. You know those science fiction stories in which the expeditions are co-ed, with a sustainable breeding cohort being sent to populate a distant planet? Still the stuff of science fiction. Space exploration is still a man’s world. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. Sending a school teacher into earth orbit is one thing, but that’s a parlor trick compared to establishing an outpost on Mars.

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