The Honey Badger

from The Golden Books
Copyright © 2012 Douglas J. Westberg. All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

Then Gus noticed something right behind Tucker. “Don’t move!” he whispered

Tucker heard the maraca sound. “It’s a rattlesnake, isn’t it?”

“Oh my God, Tucker, what do we do? I’ll get a stick.”

“Don’t you move either. Either one of us moves, I’m dead.”

“Okay.”

A minute went by. Then two. It seems like hours. Then Gus noticed Tucker had moved imperceptibly. “You’re moving,” he whispered.

“Shh.” Tucker was moving so slowly, Gus couldn’t even see him moving. It was like watching grass grow. He could only tell Tucker was moving when he realized he was in a different position from a minute before. Slowly, infinitesimally, Tucker was turning to face the snake. Gus had never seen anything like it.

Then Tucker made his fatal mistake. His tail twitched. That was enough. The rattlesnake struck.

Kree-k-k-k-kree!

At the last split second, the honey badger had appeared next to Tucker, and the rattlesnake struck at the badger. But honey badgers’ skins are notoriously thick and loose, and it had no effect. Simultaneously, the badger went for the snake’s neck, and that was the end of the snake.

Gus, beside himself with shock and fear, could only watch and wonder as the honey badger devoured the rattlesnake whole in its powerful jaws, inch by inch. It took awhile. Kind of as though I were to eat a whole Thanksgiving turkey, I suppose, mused Gus. As gross and appalling as it was to watch, Gus was fascinated. He was witnessing the circle of life.

Then he had an idea. He fished out a couple huckleberries and popped them into his mouth.

“Mmphklgmph! Is this heaven or what?” It was, of course, the honey badger.

“Mr. Honeybadger,” Tucker said respectfully, “I take back everything I said about you.”

“Mmphklgmph! Don’t mention it. Want some?”

“That’s very generous of you, but I have to respectfully decline, Mr. Honeybadger. Thank you all the same,” replied Tucker.

“What about you?”

“Me?” Gus stammered.

“Mmgmphgmphklph! Yes, you.”

Gus couldn’t believe his own boldness. “If you could leave me the rattle for a souvenir, I would be ever so grateful.”

“Done. Mgmphklphmmph.”

Gus and Tucker waited politely while Mr. Honeybadger finished off the snake, leaving the rattle, as requested. It took almost half an hour.

“Mr. Honeybadger…” Tucker made bold to address him again. “You saved our lives. What can we do for you?”

“Oh, nothing, really. I was due for dinner anyway.”

“Did we meet you earlier?” asked Tucker.

“Down the hill?”

“Yes, down the hill.”

“No, those are my cousins. So, you guys are just about the funniest looking creatures I’ve ever seen. What are you guys, foxes?”

Gus answered, “Your cousins said the same thing! No, I’m a human boy, and this is my beloved Cocker Spaniel dog, Tucker. Assuming we’re still on earth somewhere and everything is more or less what it seems. Which is a big “if”. So, will this path get us to the library?”

“The library?”

“The library,” repeated Gus.

“What’s a library?”

“I’m so sorry,” said Gus. “I didn’t mean to offend. I don’t know why I just assumed you’d know what a library was.”

“I’m afraid I have no idea. Unless you’re talking about that huge, wild building that looks like a whole circus…”

“Yes!! Well, yes I suppose it must be. It’s certainly something.”

“Well then, you’re on the right track.”

“Oh, thank you so much.”

“Yes, thank you,” Tucker joined in. “You’d be welcome to join us if you’d like.”

Gus stole a glance at Tucker by way of saying, Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

“That’s very kind of you, Mister Beloved Cocker Spaniel Dog Tucker, but I’m quite happy here with the snakes and squirrels.”

“Ah, squirrels…” Tucker sighed nostalgically.

“Well, we’ll take our leave, then,” Gus offered politely.

“Take your leaves, you mean.” Mr. Honeybadger corrected him.

“Begging your pardon, I’m quite certain the expression is ‘take our leave,’” Gus insisted.

“Well,” Mr. Honeybadger conceded, “I can’t see what good one leaf will do you, but to each his own.” And with that, the honey badger turned and disappeared into a nearby burrow.