In the Epic Save department, also the Things I Wish I’d Told My Kids Before They Flew The Nest department…

I bought an exercise machine and couldn’t shut the trunk on it. First I hoped its own weight would hold it down but that didn’t work out. So I stopped at a 7-11, but they didn’t have anything resembling twine. The nice lady (she kept calling me “honey”) assured me she knew there wasn’t anything in the back, either.

Without batting an eyelash, I bought a roll of Hefty Cling Wrap and a muffin. I drew out about six feet of wrap, bunched it up widthwise into a rope, and lashed the hatch down with it. Worked brilliantly. Tensile strength to burn.

Oh, and the muffin? That’s for tomorrow’s breakfast.